Golden Globes proves a bore for Advocate critic

There were many films this past year – some good, some bad, most completely forgettable. So at the beginning of the new year, it is important to award recognition to all those great movies that touched our hearts and broke new ground. That honor, of course, goes to the Oscars – the Academy Awards. But since that recognition will take about another month, let’s instead look at the choices and nominations of its slower, stupider cousin, THE GOLDEN GLOBES, taking place Jan. 8.

Every year the GG show has its own slew of problems when it comes to selection. Such notable ones from last year were the nomination of not just one, but two actors, from “The Big Short,” not giving a single award to “Mad Max: Fury Road,” and accidentally putting “The Martian” into the Musical or Comedy section while the “The Revenant” was in the Drama section.

However, this year one could off-hand pick out at least eight things wrong, off the bat. The first thing was nominating Andrew Garfield for “Hacksaw Ridge,” despite him easily being the worst thing about the film. The other seven things are all the awards “La La Land” won.

Dear, sweet La La Land: Surely no movie deserved better. I mean, it IS a musical homage to old Hollywood; what a unique idea that nobody could ever do better. Sure, the style of the film varies from vague 1960s to vague 1980s, with musical numbers so uninspired it makes the covers in “Trolls” look like the work of Mozart, but at the very least we got to see Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling enact the most by-the-numbers romantic drama of all time. Complete with a tacked-on conflict at the climax simply because the writers realized nothing has happened in the past. Oh well, how often do the Globes really get to use the “Musical” portion of that “Best Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy” award?

There were some other, more reasonable picks in different categories, though. Congratulations are in order to the best Drama picture, “Moonlight.” Personally I would have preferred “Manchester by the Sea,” but the decision is really more of an apples-and-oranges thing.

There were also plenty of good picks in the animated film category, with thankfully no mention of Trolls anywhere in sight…until you look at the best original song section. I guess that is one win we should be thankful to La La Land for. I will always cherish that great song of theirs that earned the win for “Song that is replayed and remixed so often in the movie that you want to fill your own ears with hot glue.”

Finally, there’s all the nominations and wins for television programs. Sadly, as I have not watched TV since 2010, I am a little out of touch with what people watch these days. Can somebody please explain to me what a “Mr. Robot” is? Is that a spin-off of the “Six-Million Dollar Man” or something? Also, how come Doctor House is no longer Doctor House? And why isn’t Kelsey Grammer getting anything for his portrayal of sitcom psychiatrist Frasier? Maybe I should buy a television soon.

Overall, this Golden Globes selection was the same quality normally seen: a bunch of high-quality films that nobody saw, awkwardly combined with large-budget Hollywood films to keep the teenagers interested, and then selected with all the prestige and authority of the Kid’s Choice Awards.

It does serve at least one purpose, though – it makes the Academy Awards look good by comparison.

Advocate Staff