Speed Dating: Single, Love Connections

If there’s one frustration that I think the majority can relate to it’s… d-d-d-dating.

Think about how many times you, friends, and family have expressed the absolute frustration in online dating. So many people, myself included, won’t STFU about it. Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, Hinge, Her, Coffee Meets Bagel, Plenty of Fish to name a few of the popular apps!

I’m far from Carrie Bradshaw; I’m not smokin’ a Marlboro light in my upper Eastside apartment thinking the “I couldn’t help but wonder…” phrase but, there must be more ways to meet people than swiping.

Yes, there are some exceptions!

Thanks to dating apps, it seems that meeting someone organically has flown the coop. Why make yourself vulnerable in real time when you can upload your personal resumé, market your best features, and spare yourself the embarrassment? For those who are still in pursuit of a twitterpated, head-over-heels, “Moulin Rouge” (ixnay the ending) kind of love, the old ways of dating are coming back.

When I think about “speed dating,” I imagine a soiree of uncomfortable folx… heightened pheromones, a bell, folding chairs, and numbered bistro tables stuffed into a small room. Sort of like the Valentine’s Day episode of “Letterkenny,” but G-rated.

However, modernized speed dating is now a great opportunity for those who might need little nudge. We seem to have come a long way since “Fiddler on the Roof,” the awkward hosts and name tags.

If you are considering deleting the dating apps (for the millionth time) and are eager to try something new, here’s what I’ve found:

Luvvly Dating

Hosted in some of Portland’s most popular venues, such as Bar Cala and Rose City Coffee Co., Luvvly offers a new approach to speed dating.

First thing? Sign up. These events book quickly; believe me, I’ve looked. Once you arrive at the venue, contact a remote Luvvly host via text with a description of what you’re wearing – how else is your date going to find you? Settle in, and find a place where you find yourself comfortable.

Within the evening you have six to eight dates, about 10 minutes each. If the conversation is flowing, slay – the sparks are igniting. If the date is excruciating, fear not – you may receive prompts via text to guide the conversation and hopefully initiate some pleasantries.

At the end of the evening, if you think you found love (or something like it), message Luvvly to share your potential interest(s). If your match also felt infatuated by your charm, Luvvly will connect you two afterward. Still apprehensive about dating in general? In addition to providing a dating service, Luvvly’s website offers several links that may be useful to you and your future dating life. Depending on your preferences, you may explore different attachment styles, personality assessments, and various links to dating coaches and programs. Several podcast links and more literature regarding dating, sex, and healthy relationships are available. 

Shuffle or “Shffl” Dating

Honestly, damn near the same as Luvvly.

Tantra Speed Date

Featured in New York magazine and the San Francisco Chronicle, Tantra Speed Dating is not for the faint of heart. Be prepared to get cozy! TSD utilizes guided exercise and movement to create connections, emphasizing the absolute emotional state of being present (in the moment).

Hosted by trained facilitators, women form an interior circle, men the outer – facing each other. Facilitators guide mini-dates ranging from two to four minutes, using partnered yoga, gentle mirror movements, and light dialogue exercises. Physical touch application appears moderate to heavy, so heads up! The event lasts about an hour and depending on attendees, there could be up to 20 dates – lucky you!

TSD hopes that through this style of dating, establishing authentic and organic connections will be more powerful than reciting a personal resumé. TSD events are held at The People’s Yoga in Portland.

Upcoming dates: Saturday, July 20.

MyCheekyDate or SpeedPortlandDating

A European swing on speed dating, MyCheekyDate and SpeedPortlandDating offer a 50/50 blend of traditional and modern speed dating. Providing a dating service worldwide, MCD offers in-person or virtual dates, as well as matchmaking packages. Guests receive a Scorecard (which seems kind of insulting) and are guided by hosts to rotate about every 10 minutes to each suitor. But, buyers beware, they do have a history of scamming!

[INSERT SULTRY JAZZ MUSIC]

As I sit in my dingy kitchen chair, I take a moment to watch the sunset’s glow highlight the pillowy clouds and think about the complications of dating. If dating is more convenient now than it was 10 years ago, what’s the holdup?

Psychotherapist Esther Perel wrote, “When you pick a partner, you pick a story. So what kind of story are you going to write?” With so many possibilities, how will we know which person is temporary or permanent, or do we decide their fate?

Sipping my day-old coffee, I can’t help but wonder… If we are the producers of our own show (aka love life) and holding multiple “auditions” a year, at what point do know we’ve found our leading co-star?

Kira Loken